Struggles

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Kelley / 8 Years Ago

God wants, deserves, and demands our best. Why do we keep offering Him our leftovers?

I cannot see God, but I believe that He is real. I can say that so easily, but does my life show that I believe that? Why am I so selfish? I wake up and stretch. I am thankful that my dog is so hyper that he strongly encourages me to get out of bed so I can meet his needs. I open the door and let the cats come in the room. They let their needs be known. I love my animals. I love to take care of them.

My husband is a witness of this: I tend to put my animals first. I will feed them when they ask for it. I will let my dog outside and then feed all of the animals before I take care of myself. I can wait. I love feeling important. I love the fact that they depend on me to meet their needs. They are adorable, most of the time.

I debate each morning as to what I should do while eating breakfast. Should I go into the exercise room and watch the news or a Joyce Meyer show that was recorded recently? Should I sit down at the table, crack open the laptop and see what crazy email was sent to me and quickly follow that up with Twitter and Facebook? Don't forget YouTube? Better yet, should I read a little more from the book Crazy Love written by Francis Chan?

This morning, I had this debate in my head. I chose to be a techy this morning and cracked the social machine. Please don't misunderstand me. I am a huge fan of the computer. I think it is a wonderful tool if used properly. I think all of those websites listed above are wonderful if used in a healthy manner. I find myself often going from one site to another for entertainment. It is all about what me. THEN I made the choice to read some more from the Crazy Love book. Oh, good choice. That is where I read the thought listed at the beginning of this blog. "God wants, deserves, and demands our best. Why do we keep offering Him our leftovers"?

My animals are important to me. I show them that all throughout the day by meeting their needs before mine. Why is God a last resort? Why is He the one I go to when I don't know where else to turn? If a sporting event is on television and it is my team then I make sure that I am front and center to see it and not miss anything. Then I go to bed and say a few thoughts to God as I drift off to sleep.

My time is precious. I don't know how much time I have on this earth. Life is not easy. God never said that it would be. This too shall pass. How are we going to spend our time? Do we live for others or for ourselves?

I want to be a healthy, happy, godly woman. I am not exactly sure how to go about doing that. I find myself questioning every choice I make. I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I am going to make some mistakes. But, do I learn from them? If I want my life to be different, better, then I have to make the choice to do things differently and better. Complacency is a bad word to me.

I am not sure why it seems so difficult to push myself in Georgia. I am the same girl just in a new place. Things do change a person. There are some things I want to keep and some things I would like to change. It is my choice. God is right there the whole time watching me go round and round this same problem every day. He wants to help me, but I am not sure how to let Him.

I am struggling and that is okay. I think it is healthy. It is in the valleys where He draws us closer to Him. In His Word, He promises to draw closer to us if we first draw closer to Him. He loves me. He has a plan for me. I am not sure what it is. There are a ton of things about my life right now that are uncertain, but that is okay. God promises to give me what I can handle. I went through a stressful situation leaving Nebraska and right now is supposed to be a break.

Lord, please help me know what to do with my life right now. I don't know when I will get my heart fixed. I don't know where I will work or when. All I know right now is that you love me and you are with me through it all. You have given me a wonderful place to call home. I must respect it and take care of it (gotta get better doing that). I have this medical terminology course that I can work on. The plan is that it will take me toward medical billing. I must work on what I can change and let you take care of what I cannot.

I absolutely cannot do this on my own. I keep trying to. How do I let go? How do I give you control? How do I not worry? How do I come to You like a little child? I want to be all grown up. I feel trapped and limited. You know what You are doing. Who am I to tell you differently. I am scared and a bit lonely. I don't know what I need, but You do. Please set my crooked path straight.

You came to this earth so that I might have and enjoy life. I find myself not enjoying it too much. Please show me how to live the life that You died to give me. I don't want this to be simply lip service. This is my heart crying out for more of You.

Ten million times thank you for loving me unconditionally. I need You. I love You. Help!


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(1.6 / 5 over 8 votes)

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Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28 NIV